I think I had grand plans for the day when I awoke…or, at least, when I fell asleep last night. After all, it was New Year’s Day, and there’s always a little bit of hype, at least, about New Year’s Day being a new beginning, a fresh start, a time to renew, etc. When a new year begins, it can feel full of promise, and hope; or it can feel filled with pressure to make sweeping changes, to revamp our lives, our homes, our daily routines, ourselves. Sure, some of these changes can be positive, but I think, sometimes, all of the pressure can be a bit much. At least, it can for me. Again, I am easily overwhelmed, especially lately. I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire (weirdly, because, honestly, it doesn’t seem like I do a lot, but, somehow, I am always busy), and adding more just seems daunting, even if the “more” I’m adding is something like organizing my files (which I did recently, and which did make life easier, in the longrun, but took a really long time to do), or trying to get more exercise…which, frankly would require that there be more hours in the day, at this point in time, but would, ostensibly, be good for my health, assuming I don’t injure myself in the process. A part of me still really WANTS to dig in to this tradition. The thing is, I’m really, really tired.

I don’t mean I’m tired of the New Year’s thing. I mean, I’m exhausted. When I try to imagine what I might resolve to do or change, habits I might start or stop ~ quite frankly, I’m yawning just thinking about it. I’m not bored. It’s not that there aren’t things I need to work on. I just really need a nap.

As the years have gone by, I’ve gotten away from making formal “New Year’s Resolutions,” because I find I am more likely to work consistently toward goals that are realistic, ongoing, and based on my ever-evolving needs ~ which don’t always coincide with any particular date on the calendar. I find this works out better for me, and saves me from feeling like a failure. When I do set goals, I try to make them attainable, like, “I’m going to start knitting again.” See? I didn’t say I was to knit anything specific, or that I had to finish by any particular date. I know people say that setting specific goals with deadlines works better, but that’s just not true in my case. I work much better on the, “I’m going to do my best, and will do this when I can” plan, at least for now, anyway. In the past year, I started knitting while watching TV, for instance…except when I didn’t feel like it, because if I knit when I don’t feel like it, I screw up, have to undo all of my work, and redo it, and then I hate knitting, which sort of defeats the purpose of doing it. It took me longer than it should have, but I eventually learned that was not a good way for me to work (the screwing up and hating it way, I mean), so I stopped doing it. I might not knit as quickly or as well as some people, but I am much happier doing it than I used to be ~ and, eventually, I will learn more…if I have the time, and I want to. Those are the kind of goals I’m setting these days.

This year, I want to do things like go for walks, and remember to bring my camera with me, so I can take photographs. I want to play my banjo, and to have the time (and the strength) to work in the garden. I want to read more, and dance while I listen to my records. I want to write more letters, and remember to call people more often, even if I can’t walk and talk at the same time, as well as I used to. I want to finally get the porch screened in, and paint the kitchen cupboards, and refinish the rocking chair, and build that magazine rack, and finish all of those other projects I’ve set aside…but I’m not too hard on myself. It’ll happen.

When we first moved in to this house, we had a list on the refrigerator of projects we wanted to complete around the house. Items would be crossed off as they were completed, or we might add estimated costs for projects, or wish list items. I don’t know what happened to the list, but I think we might need to make a new one. It would be okay with me if it stays up for years. I don’t mind having a running to-do list. In fact, I find it nice to have something to turn to when I don’t know what to do with my time, and could use some ideas. It’ll all happen eventually; and, most likely, a bunch of other stuff will happen, too, that I didn’t anticipate, because life is like that, and that’s why it’s difficult to set arbitrary goals without knowing what life has in store.

So, anyway, I awoke thinking I would start the New Year right ~ I’d eat all of the right things, and do all of the right things ~

…and then I had a cinnamon bun and coffee, and later, we ordered a bloomin’ onion. Which, as it turned out, were some of the right things. Neo the kitten stole the bread off the table, which was NOT the right thing for him, and we got it back ~ well, not BACK, so much as away from him, because none of us really wanted it after that; and, by the way: Why was Neo the kitten on the dinner table?? Let’s see…then, I, uh…watched some tv, and forgot to do my PT. Oh, and we bought a lottery ticket. So, you know, all of the important stuff.

On the up side, I talked to my sister today, and Shane and I went for a walk. I actually did pick up my knitting again, for the first time in ages. I made a nice dinner for the family, with the usual traditional New Year’s foods, and made sure everyone got something to eat. We wrapped up the day watching an episode of She Spies (one of my Christmas gifts) with our youngest. All in all, it was a fine, relaxing day.

While we were talking, my sister told me that her mother-in-law once told her that whatever you on New Year’s Day, is what you’ll do all year long. Well, I certainly hope not to spend the year chasing our kitten away from biscuits, but if the past couple of days are any indication, that’s looking fairly likely. I don’t, however, think I can eat a bloomin’ onion every day. On the other hand, I spent a lot of the day with my family, just trying to do my best.

If that’s what the new year’s got in store for me, I’ll take it.